POAS crazy takes over.

The past few days I've had a few moments where I've thought about a subject to blog and failed to log in and do it! 

 I've also had some random wicked dreams the past few sleeps (I won't say nights because some were days).  If you're reading this because you've been on the TTC journey yourself you know exactly what I mean when I use the term POAS.  If you're here for support it means to pee on a stick.  My dr wants me to chart these cycles from now until June so I am back in POAS mode.  This cycle has been a bust.  Either I ovulated early for once in my charting life or it's anovulatory.  It's hard to tell when you aren't temping (waiting a cycle due to coming off the Lupron) and you see some light lines but never a full equal set.  I'm back to analyzing every symptom and characteristic.  After POAS for several days I'm leaning towards the latter.  I keep thinking to myself am I really wanting to put myself through this all again? Will it be too stressful? Can I handle the stress and emotional roller coaster?  Given that I have 6 months max to try I think I owe it to myself and kid craving husband.  Then I had a dream. 

To show how much it plays on your mind if you've not been a POASaholic let me tell you about it.  Sure there's the fancy ovulatory and pregnancy tests you see on the commercials that are digital and give you a definitive yes or no.  There is also the fancy price tags.  After a few cycles of TTC you join internet forums to compare signs and troubles with and learn about the wonderful world of internet cheapies.  Wondfos are the devil to those of us TTC. It's the same good ol' stick they use in a lab.  2 lines of equal color means it is positive.  You stress on if the purple is almost or really is equal.  Is that a squinter?  Is my mind playing tricks?  Here is a picture to show you how crazy it can be deciphering the 2nd line on a test. 

 Sure there's 2nd lines, but that's the fun part of deciding when it counts as positive.  It will drive an already stressed person crazy!  So crazy that a few nights ago while trying to figure out if I had O'ed early I had the dream.  I dreamed that I went back into the bathroom to an old test and it magically told me that I had indeed O'ed on CD 15 and was 7DPO.  Yes that's right it came up in the white margin in typed letters plain as day and I thought oh okay that's awesome that it can tell me this now finally!   Does this actually happen? NO.  Would it be amazing and could I be a millionaire if I could develop it and sell it for the same cheap price?  You betcha! 


So now I just wait to see when I start my next cycle.  I give up at this point.  It's too late in my current cycle.  I only saw a 2nd line once and that was last Friday on CD24 and it was literally a squinter.  That's the only one so I figure it's a fluke.  My body is just in spasm mode from welcoming estrogen back in.  Until then we wait.  I've been a crying mess over little crap for 3 days so I humored myself and did a pregnancy one as well that was also stark white.  I'm guessing the witch shows her head this weekend so I can start all over at 1.  *sigh*  1 down 5 cycles to go.