It's been too long....

Sorry after all the drama at the end of January I just needed a break.  Really I felt as though I've been walking on eggshells and suddenly I'm back to square one where I have to question why is that I have to walk on them but others can't in regards to my feelings? Pretty much this is my thoughts:  

In the mean time, we've sold a house, started building another, my husband had shoulder surgery, and I've just had my usual work and school load to deal with on top of everything else.  I went on the 3rd for my annual pap visit.  Cycles still aren't normal and in fact I keep getting multiple waves of positive LH surges which is expected coming off of hormone suppressants.  Basically unless I agree to do monitored cycles we'll never know if I am still capable of ovulating. The whole IVF discussion came back up and how it's pretty much the only chance since I'm facing so many complexities.  Right now I just want to know my Endo isn't growing back and that 55+ day cycles won't be my new normal. If I reach 35 days I have to do even more rounds of hormones to induce cycles which is what I'm doing now.  I'm so sick of pills to make my body do what it should do.  I've felt like my boobs could burst at the touch of a damn shower for over 2 weeks so just bring on the wrath of ovarian war for pete's sake!  That's right I have my cranky pants on! 

I agreed to consider doing monitored cycles in June and July potentially to watch my cycle to see if it is working. I'm not a fan of having to take Clomid but I'll do a few and listen to what an RE has to say.  As I've said before it'd have to be some extremely great odds for me to risk throwing away that much money that could just be spent on adoption, especially while I'm wrapping up school so basically broke!  The RE who offers a discount through my husband's job is speaking at an event during National Infertility Awareness Week specifically on Endometriosis so I signed up to attend.  There will also be several adoption services present at the fair.  I'm pretty excited even though it's a depressing reason to get to be part of a "group" if you will. 

Any who I promise to not stay away so long again in the future.  I've never been one to let people get to me so I'm not sure if it was the melt down of pressure or the fact people were lashing out at others in the family because of me.  It just makes matters worse to handle when you're not scared of confrontation and married to someone who avoids it like the plague and won't stand up for you.  Sometimes your spouse needs to come first instead of back peddling to keep the peace otherwise it's like we're in this alone instead of together.